Wednesday, July 23, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- And people are sh**ting on Emmitt?

Once again, we’ll grace the halls of a sports media giant. It’s the return to the scene of a crime, again, and again….and again. It’s not by accident that ESPN often lands in the DOH-mer crosshairs. The odds are in their favor. To find a DOH-mer, I have to go through the media, so it’s very likely that I’ll find one on staff, and I did. Actually, I found a few in the past week, and honestly couldn't say which stood out more. In their honor, we'll have a group hug.

Although the network had a brain fart, by allowing Nelly (of Hip Hop fame) to sit in as a guest analyst on “First and ten”, “cold pizza” or “whatever the hell you want to name the show next week”, it was somewhat hilarious to see a rapper give the more supportive argument of points, and actual win debates, against Skip Bayless. But then again, it’s Skip f*cking Bayless. Is that really an incredible feat? I guess it’s not an oddity to have celebrity guest appearances, since Jim Rome has Roger Lodge as a regular on his “sports” panel, which I always viewed as a "friendship hiring". What else can it possibly be?

Rodger Lodge once had a sports radio gig, but seriously, I see the man and think of him hosting “blind date”. Roger shouldn’t give me an analysis on which team is the best fit for Brett Favre. He should be telling me who Favre should be porking on a one night stand. Let the others on the panel talk about sports, and have Lodge chime in when the conversation shifts to Romo and Simpson, A-Rod and Madonna, or Bush and Kardashian. What’s next? Bob Barker’s ESPN early mock draft? Pfft!

I'm also not liking the female that will sometimes sit in for Jim Rome, while he's vacationing, which he does often. I don't know her name, and won't question her sports knowledge. But when you have a show called "Jim Rome is burning", at least try to appear a little angry, as you go through the list of topics to be "burning" on.

Speaking of baseball, sorta…but kinda not. I watched all the events from last week’s All Star festival. The events were carried by “Baseball Tonight” and their crew, which brings me to Emmitt Smith. Why is everyone always sh**ting on Emmitt, and criticizing his broadcast skills? Do these people not watch Baseball tonight?! In comparison to Eric Young, Emmit Smith is the Al Michaels or Joe Buck of ESPN analysts. Eric Young is probably a great guy, and I have nothing against him, but not everyone was made for television and radio. Just because you have a degree in communications, doesn’t mean you can communicate. Athletes mostly choose communication as their college majors, because it’s the easiest, aside from basket weaving. And I’m only guessing that Young has that major, so don’t quote me on that. Either way, Eric is giving us a few doses of:

Wit a bunt like dat, he gots to get to da bag.

When da ball leave his bat, he already be knowin’ it gone.

Dats what I’m talkin’ bout. You gots to know yo catcher.

It’s not what he says, because he makes a lot of sense. It’s just how he says it, and the tiny voice projecting it. I sometimes speak with broken English, but I could never sit in a studio, in front of a camera, speak like that, and call myself a professional. I couldn’t even find video of him speaking on the show, so I had to revert to the little guy's playing days, and him introducing himself and handing a young girl an autographed bat:

Y’all leave Emmitt alone! Anyone highly critical of the man obviously doesn't watch "Baseball Tonight", and only watches the NFL specific programming on ESPN. Turn it on one night, and see for yourselves what I'm talking about.

With another DOH-mer (and more criticism of ESPN), I think I can say, with some certainty, that I’ve shattered every dream of ever working for the network.

Oh well. Is Fox Sports hiring?

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