Wednesday, June 18, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- Nothing But Strikes

Remember a time when men were men and competed like warriors in sport? Remember “no layup” rules in basketball, no face masks on football helmets, and a pitcher regularly tossed nine innings? Rules change with the times, as health becomes a concern, and a player no longer appears as a competitor, but more as a business investment. But in my opinion, it’s a travesty to hear any high ranking “sports” executive whining about his “athlete” injuring himself while attempting to run “180 feet”.

My DOH-mer, Yankees Co-Chairman Hank Steinbrenner, actually had the nerve to criticize the National league for allowing men to be men. He made references to the league rule on pitchers batting as being outdated, and calling for the National league to step into the 21st century. He’s lobbying for a designated hitter for both leagues, so they can be uniformed b*tches.

As a child, baseball is a game that consists of throwing, running, fielding, and batting. Why does Steinbrenner feel adults are incapable of fulfilling two of the tasks that children perform on the diamond? Children bat and run for free, but adult members of the millionaires club can’t. Does that make any sense? If anything, get your money’s worth. So, you lost a starting pitcher for 6-8 weeks, because he didn’t know how to run bases properly. Whose fault is that? The National League? Get the f*ck out of here! Maybe as an “athlete” they should be trained as one in the spring. Maybe he can try that "Viagra" therapy or get one of the shots Roger misrembers getting, and possibly be back on the mound in half the time.

The Yanks have bad luck when it comes to pitching, and Hank’s firing in the wrong direction. Over the years, he couldn’t blame the National league for injuries suffered by Randy Johnson, Andy Pettitte, Kevin Brown, etc. Kevin Brown broke his hand, punching a wall in the Yankee dugout. Let’s blame that on the f*cking Dodgers! Roger Clemens was given a year’s salary for pitching one damn month. Let’s blame that on the Astros! Better yet, Hank, the next time your club is involved in a brawl, instruct your dainty men of the mound not to engage in combat. And not because they may be struck by someone, but because they may break a foot, while running the 180 feet from the dugout to join the melee.

The New York Yankees have more championships than any franchise in sports. To obtain those championships, at some point, their pitchers had to lift bats and run bases. And just think, if this Puss, Steinbrenner, was in charge during the early days of the game, a great pitcher by the name of Babe Ruth may have never swung the bat.

I played baseball at the little league and High school levels. I pitched, which meant I also hit and ran. I think to myself, If I was drafted and played in the American league, I wouldn’t have to hit or run. But I also think the same, if I played women’s softball. And of course, there’s one distinct similarity between the New York Yankees and Women's softball, and that would be the thongs beneath the uniform.

Go do your b*tching and complaining somewhere else. Leave the National League alone, because it’s baseball played in the purest form. Go stroke your Wang’s …ego, and tell him it’s not his fault. According to Hank Steinbrenner, American league pitchers should throw strikes with every toss, because they surely have no balls.


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