Wednesday, June 25, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- Bob and Mary Sh**ting In A Tree

With the Beijing Olympics quickly approaching, the eyes of the world are slowly opening to the human rights violations and atrocities imposed on Tibetans by the Chinese government. It has sparked worldwide protests and threatens to disrupt the Olympic Games. It’s a call for righteousness and a show of support for your fellow man... Meanwhile, in Berkeley California, we have a group of adults living on the branches, in defense of a tree.

In northern California, students are sitting (and sh**ting) in a tree. Their “peaceful” protest has now reached 18 months, and they celebrate every court order that stops construction of UC Berkeley’s $140 million athletic complex that is to sit adjacent to the stadium, though the orders are absent their intentions or agenda. I see a group of attention whores, trying to stake a claim to fame, by extending the life of a tree. I see a group raising painted signs on construction paper, which just happens to be made from trees. I see a woman calling herself “dumpster muffin”, standing atop a self made wooden platform, which in my guess...originated from a tree.

Don’t get me wrong, because I have concerns for the environment, when those concerns are warranted. Some protesters claim the trees are property of the Native Americans indigenous to the area, and part of their heritage. Truth is, the university planted the trees, and will replant a new crop elsewhere. Some claim the construction would force wildlife from their homes and natural habitat. Well, guess who was evicted months ago, when you took up residence in the treetops? Some claim it’s a peaceful protest, though officers attempting to place barriers to surround the tree are being pissed on and splattered by human excrement.

Question: If I’m sitting in a tree, hurling a handful of my own sh*t at the people below, where do I wash my hands?

Despite the arrests and citations for trespassing, the sitters and sh**ters are still there. They celebrate the latest court order, which claims construction cannot continue, because the new facility will sit on an active fault and risk collapse. But if the athletic complex is to be anything like the Cal football program, regardless of where you build it, collapse will occur in as little as two years.

Some people choose their battles wisely, and others choose to battle for media coverage. The neighbors of the proposed facility have a legitimate gripe, because the new structure would increase traffic in an already congested area. The state has a legit gripe, because public safety comes before anything else, and they cannot allow the construction of a facility that won’t meet safety requirements. The indigenous people can gripe, because a burial ground is located in the area. But these tree sitting DOH-mers are mixed about the reasons for a cause that has driven them into a tree house. Depending on who you interview, you’ll get a different answer, and that's because the truthful response to why they continue is "coverage".

They should turn on their televisions and see human sacrifice throughout the world, with hopes of bettering the lives of those left behind. But instead, these birdbrains stay perched, probably hoping to reach another fall and football season, so the cameras can find them again. I believe 18 months of finding areas and planting new trees would have been more beneficial than spending that amount of time sitting in one. After all, it’s not their presence that stopped construction, since the state has given the university all right to remove them from the trees. They could have slept in their own beds every night for the past 18 months, and those trees would still be there in morning. But sleeping in their own bed makes them the nobodies they were before making the climb. Now high above the crowd, they've become that special "somebody". They're my DOH-mers.

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