Sunday, June 1, 2008

Off Topic: Matt Walsh and the ‘Blair Snitch Project’

Matt Walsh disappoints me. He’s no different than the action packed horror movie trailers, where producers capture your desire to see their newest film. You patiently wait for opening day, you gather a good seat in front of the screen, and begin watching from beginning to end, thinking at some point everything will kick in and make it worth the wait. Unfortunately, you and your fellow movie goers leave the theater with a collective “huh”. That’s no different than the 10 month saga of “Spygate”, which I reference as the “Blair Snitch Project”.

In the Blair Witch movie, we sit for hours chasing ghosts, or have ghosts chasing us, depending on your perspective. Walsh had his box of tapes for the NFL to sift through, looking for that nightmarish demon that would haunt the league for years. And as a fan, I waited, prepared to see an image that makes me scream, “Aha!” Walsh gave me nothing. He gave me the same running scenes from the Blair Witch, minus the action shots of heavy breathing and his snot bubbled nose.

What did Walsh give you? Did he give you some hand signs and shots of personnel on the field? If that’s your climax, then damn, you’re easy. I want the beast that leaves Vegas quivering over Superbowl bets paid. I want the monster that places the league’s credibility at stake. I want something showing conclusive evidence that the Patriots used these tapes to win games, and not speculation over something that could have easily been duplicated by etching stick figures on a piece of paper (which would be a legal act in the NFL). Give me audio of Patriots management barking their photographic demands. Give me Belichick’s evil grin, as he scurries off to the film room with his team. Give me something, and anything. But what he gave me was the f*cking Jets? Get real! I asked for the most horrid specter ever to appear on screen, and this man delivers Casper.

The Jets are about as reveling as Geraldo’s coke bottle find in the Al Capone vaults. If we’re talking possible asterisks and beasts, give me tape of Superbowl opponents. If we’re going to talk about any possibility of stealing Rams defensive signals, give me 40 plus points on the scoreboard for the Pats, and not a low scoring, field goal edging victory over the greatest show on turf. As an offensive unit, alleged of stealing defensive signals, New England's scoring increased, AFTER the cameras were taken from them.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not defending the Patriots. They cheated, admitted to it, and were penalized for it. Give them their asterisk or not, because I don’t care. But it’s this amateur movie maker, with the silly smirk, that irks me. Months of smirking, and I got nothing. Even “Pam and Tommy Lee”, and “One Night In Paris” had entertainment value. Supposedly, Walsh had tapes, where he zoomed in on private areas of cheerleaders. Why isn't ESPN showing me those? That's more worthwhile than the other box of horse sh*t they've chosen to air for Spygate.

Again, I got nothing. I walked out of the theater, like everyone else, with that same question…..”huh?”

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