Lumps Of Coal

Dear Santa,

I’m sending you this letter,
unlike any you may receive,
Wondering why this jolly man
would purposely deceive.
Unlike your brown nose reindeer,
I will not kiss your ass.
I want reasons for the lumps of coal,
in winter days that pass.

I know that I’m a good one,
yet I made your “naughty” list.
Deny it all you want to,
but my house is always missed.
But no one can be perfect,
I tell you this is true.
At least I know to watch my weight,
can we say the same for you?

But no more disrespecting,
I’ll put it in plain sight,
All the things I’ve wished for,
and what you brought that night.

I wished for perfect seasons,
Trojans raising crystal balls.
You gave me UCLA and Stanford,
Two years with none at all.
And as for the Heisman Trophy,
perhaps you did deliver.
But if Bush is found ineligible,
Mr. Claus the Indian giver.

14 victories for the Bolts,
then more coal to stare upon.
Sitting at home in January,
and now our Marty’s gone.
Another division title,
but the big bowl I will not know.
And I’ll show my frustration,
and you’ll give a “ho, ho, ho”.

So what is there to wish for,
knowing all dreams will shatter?
Slinging coal in ones and twos,
you say I just don't matter.
I even wished for Jessica Alba,
and thought you had forgot.
Now Jessie is expecting,
and I didn’t fire a single shot.

I won’t even wish for a hardwood gift,
because wishes don’t come true.
And I write without a middle finger,
leaving that one just for you.

Now I ask for a Shelby Mustang,
Preferably in black.
Deliver this wish on Christmas day
And I'll take all harsh words back.

So please try to remember,
As your sleigh sets on its course.
Deliver a smile this December,

Sincerely,
The Horse