Monday, September 22, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- Eye Da Ho

The Idaho vandals are basically the laughing stock of the college football world. They’re already 1-3 this season, and 15-54 over the past six. To see Idaho on your football schedule is to consider it a bye week. To play Idaho is to have more competition in your own football practices. In other words, If Boise State represents the luxury restroom in the state, the Idaho Vandals are the toilet paper used to wipe a program’s ass. But despite their failures on the football field, only in Moscow Idaho will you find a football coaching job safe and a cheerleading director on the hot seat.

I’ll go ahead and make the assumption that the majority of football spectators are male. I think it’s a fair assumption, until someone can prove me wrong. I would also make the assumption that males in Idaho are no different than males in any other part of the country, but the latest development has me thinking and dismissing that theory. It seems that the most horrifying visual in Moscow wasn’t the 70-0 beating the football program took from Arizona, but the outfits worn by their rah rah girls.

If I’m a native of Moscow Idaho, I certainly wouldn’t be attending a football game with the intention of actually seeing my hometown team win. The results are a long gone conclusion, in any given year. Watching your team get embarrassed on a field is hardly entertainment. You know what’s entertaining? Girls in short skirts shaking their pom-poms, Isn’t it? You can get your hotdogs, peanuts, and cold beer at any convenience store, but outside of the local strip clubs, where else can you eye females in short skirts, waiting for leg kicks and angles not shown to national television audiences, and get to do it without the dark shades, trench coat, and fake mustache? If you’re answer is a football game, then you’ve got it right.

Unfortunately, the University actually received complaints about the cheerleading outfits in the above photo. I know. I can hear the cry all the way from BYU and Provo Utah, in chorus, with an “ARE YOU SH**ting me?!?!?” Not only were the complaints received, but the school complied, and the Vandals have now changed to the photo below.

Only a DOH-mer (or nun) would transition from the first photo to the second, knowing what the majority of their audience is. The second photo is high school gym class revisited. The first photo is music and a tip rail. Now you get to see the football team lose, and not much of anything else. But I’ll say this, for the first time, the school actually made national headlines for their coverage (literally) of T & A. I’ll now make a new assumption, saying that it’s my belief that the biggest booster for the University of Idaho football program is “N.O.W”.

1-12, here you come. You’ll always be ranked at the bottom of college football, but it’s a terrible ploy to initiate a change to allow your gridiron boys to have a better placing in Division-1 than your cheerleaders will in competitions. Congrats on gaining an edge, DOH’mers! And thanks for not going with the "pioneer women of the 19th century" look. America just can't wait to see the ankles on those Vandals.... GO TEAM!

No comments: