Monday, February 18, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- The Rocket Misremembers

As much as I'd love to have someone from Notre Dame displayed here each week, there are 52 weeks in a year, and the Fighting Irish are only good for 12 weeks of humor. But there are others outside of South Bend that are ripping off brain farts, so why not give them their due and acknowledge them appropriately?

In this inaugural DOH-Mer spotlight, no one was more suitable than Roger Clemens. He was miles ahead of the competition, that easily included Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson, the Fans of UAB, and the Bills' Roscoe Parrish. Roger soared to new heights, taking it all the way to Capitol Hill. We thought Clemens only took our money at the ballparks, until we got a glimpse of this publicized hearing at the expense of the tax payers. Besides for the State, Federal, SSI, and other categories that eat my paycheck, they should have also added the RCBF as a direction for my earnings. That would be the "Roger Clemens Bull$h!t Fund".

This is a hearing that Clemens wanted. This was the week to clear his name and remove "cheater" from any conversations about him. This was cleaning dust off the path to the hall of fame and designing the bronze bust which would read "Greatest pitcher of all time". I sat there, waiting for the Rocket to say it aint so. But the more the Rocket fired off at the lips, the more I believed it was so. It wasn't a good job of convincing anyone that he was never injected in the a$$ with anything but B-12, especially when you go on to say your best friend and best character witness "misremembered" a conversation.

Andy Pettitte came clean. After saying Pettitte is a great guy, honest, and believable, your answer to the contradiction of your statements with Andy's deposition was that he "misremembered"? Your answer was that he misheard, and that you were talking about your wife getting a$$ injections? What a waste! The Rocket let me down, because obviously his attorney let him down. He could have been more convincing if he had O.J Simpson speak for him. Even better, he shouldn't have spoken at all.

Clemens was buried by his own ego. But shouldn't it be expected, since HGH can cause the cranium to grow larger? Barry Bonds is also carrying around a large dome full of ego, but he wasn't stupid enough to call for a gathering "to be heard and clear his name". Well, I heard you Roger, and I choose you as my DOH-mer of the week. 7 Cy Young awards and 1 DOH-mer makes for a pretty good career.

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