DOH-mer of The Week- The Cable Guy

Every coach has a style, and it’s implemented toward the leadership of their franchise. Some personalities are strong and have an impact on the roster. Others are passive, and the roster may control them. You can be the Wade Phillips type, standing on the sidelines with Jones’ hand up your ass, as a puppet gives a deceptive image of a leader. I’d still like to see Phillips talking at a press conference, while Jerry Jones drinks a glass of water in clear view. Until then, the ventriloquist continues to master his art. You can also be the tough persona, as shown by Niners interim coach Mike Singletary. Mike made it clear in his coaching debut that he doesn’t care how much money, how many commercials, or how many fans scream your name. On the field, you scream his name, because you are his b*tch, working only for him. And you can also be Norv Turner, blaming officials, members of the coaching staff, weather, tight underwear, and anything else for his team’s discomfort, without ever taking the blame himself. But Raiders interim coach, Mike Cable, in hopes of inspiring his team, took an approach that I would consider, well…DOH’merfied.

The Raiders have received more of these stupidity awards than anyone else. And trust me, it’s not because they are a hated team in the AFC West, but because they provide more asinine material than anyone else. They gave people quite a chuckle last week, with Cable having his offense (NFL low 9 touchdowns this season) practice touchdown celebrations. To quote quarterback Jamarcus Russell, “Now we do a thing in practice where guys run to the end zone. Or we make it to the end zone, as far as the offense, congratulate those guys, get used to doing it. The more you get used to it, the more you’ll be better with it on the field, as a team.”...Really?

I guess Mike Cable forgot to tell his team that on gameday you can’t run as freely to the end zone, because THERE ARE PEOPLE CHASING YOU. Those chuckles of last week became side splitting laughter, as the Raiders followed up their end zone celebrations in practice by getting shutout 24-0 on Sunday by the Atlanta Falcons. They followed up with the worst offensive display of the season, achieving just 3 first downs (none in the first half), 77 total yards, and just 10 yards passing.

Practice makes perfect? Hell no! It depends on what you’re working on. How about practicing QB protection, run blocking, route running and execution? How about beginning with “first down celebrations” and working your way up to “we’re in field goal range”? After being shutout, what will you feature in practice this week, a f*cking trial run ticker tape parade through the streets of Oakland? Jamarcus Russell can practice hoisting the Lombardi trophy, without fumbling it.

Ironically, with the shutout coming against the Atlanta Falcons, it brings me back to one of my earliest DOH’mers and his words. DeAngelo Hall claimed his forced trade and departure from Atlanta had nothing to do with money, and that he was just tired of losing. He wanted to play for a winner. His former team is currently 5-3, already surpassing their win total of 2007. His new team is 2-6, with only Kansas City keeping them out of the cellar in the AFC West. Nice choice MEangelo! How does it feel to be shutout by Arthur “BLANK”?

Despite blowout, Trojans drop 2 spots; Bama No. 1

It's not exactly shocking, but the new BCS standings show USC falling two spots to No. 7, despite the 56-0 victory over Washington. But the Men of Troy weren't the only big winner to drop in rank after paddling an opponent. The Oklahoma Sooners also fell 2 places after 62-28 weekend blasting of Nebraska. You can say the programs are being penalized for their most recent opponents lacking strength, but also consider that Texas Tech has climbed to the No. 2 spot, not only rewarded for the take down of No. 1 Texas, but still receiving credit for two victories over FCS opponents.

The Red Raiders jumped 5 spots, including a leap over idle and undefeated Penn State. Penn State is another program that is penalized for the weakened Big 10. In all, the BCS top ten is represented by 4 programs from the Big 12 south, which will make it difficult for the majority of one loss teams outside that conference to secure higher spots. Each week brings another Big 12 match up of ranked opponents, and each week the winner will leap towards the top of the totem pole. Next weekend, Texas Tech will face No. 9 Oklahoma State. If the Cowboys win that game, they too will jump above a USC team playing Cal, after only having a loss to Texas on the road by just 4 points, and powering over the No. 2 Raiders.

Alabama is the Nation's No. 1 team, but you can see their victory over Arkansas State hurt them slightly, with Tech just mere percentage points below them. The Crimson Tide have a crucial game this coming weekend in Baton Rouge. A victory there can assist them in holding off some of the Big 12 risers.

BCS Standings for Nov. 2

1. Alabama .974
2. Texas Tech .937
3. Penn State .928
4. Texas .853
5. Florida .826
6. Oklahoma .822
7. USC .755
8. Utah .697
9. Oklahoma State .666
10. Boise State .652
11. Ohio State .555
12. TCU .544
13. Georgia .536
14. Missouri .492
15. BYU .373
16. LSU .371
17. Ball State .356
18. Michigan State .336
19. North Carolina .263
20. Georgia Tech .188

Rearview: Chomp on This

The Florida Gators have played and defeated 2 top ten opponents, outscoring LSU and Georgia by a combined total of 100-31. The Georgia Bulldogs have lost to 2 top ten opponents, getting outscored 90-40 in those meetings. If we look at the ground Florida has covered, it can be said that the Gators played down to the competition, with the only loss coming against the lowest profile team on the schedule (Ole Miss), with none of the higher profile programs even posing a threat. As for the Bulldogs, who opened as the nation’s No. 1 team, the lackluster play early began their slide, and punches delivered by conference heavyweights completed it. This would leave you to believe either Georgia was highly overrated to begin the year or the roster hits eventually took their toll. I choose the latter.

THE ORANGE WAS BURNT

The Longhorns were making an unbelievable run through ranked opponents, until they reached Lubbock. The speculation has always been that neither of the ranked Big 12 programs is strong on the defensive side of the ball, and it was Texas’ 116th ranked pass defense that eventually led to their fall. Not that the Red Raiders are much better at defending the pass, as the teams combined for 768 passing yards on Saturday night. But when you play a game of “last with possession wins”, even with a lead and under 2 minutes to play, you’re left at the mercy of your defense and the opponent.

THE STATE OF WASHINGTON

Be it the dogs or cats, Washington’s FBS programs are equally terrible. On Saturday, both Washington and Washington State were outscored 114-0 in losses to USC and Stanford. The 56-0 beating of Washington enabled the Trojans to record their third shutout victory of 2008. It’s the first time USC has shutout 3 Pac 10 opponents since 1965. If I’m choosing the better team in the state of Washington, I’d probably look at the lower level. Willingham’s Huskies nearly pulled an upset victory over BYU, but the greater feat may have been Eastern Washington’s fight with Texas Tech for a half, before being dominated in the second.

GONE BLUE

We knew things would be tough in Ann Arbor for a transitioning program, but we also thought the likes of Toledo, Utah, Notre Dame, and Miami of Ohio on the schedule would soften the misery. Instead, having those scheduled games makes the Michigan Wolverines appear even more woeful, as they managed to defeat just one of those opponents. Combine those losses with those in the Big 10, and I’ll witness something I’ve personally never experienced in my lifetime, a Wolverine team that will have a losing finish. Saturday’s loss to Purdue kills any hopes of Michigan having Bowl eligibility, snapping a streak of 33 straight. It also guarantees that for the first time since 1967, the Michigan Wolverines will finish below .500. And just think, the announcement that Lloyd Carr would be stepping down as the Michigan head coach last year actually led to celebrations. I think the only celebrations now sparked by the play of the Wolverines are in Columbus and Morgantown.

DIGITS

The Oklahoma Sooners currently own the nation’s longest home win streak (23), and have won 43 of the last 44 in Norman.

Iowa State’s Leonard Johnson set a FBS record with 319 yards on 9 kick returns against Oklahoma State.

Missouri and Baylor combined for 928 total yards of offense.

Georgia Tech’s victory snapped a 12 game losing streak to the Florida State Seminoles.

Arkansas has won 17 straight against Tulsa.

Tulane’s last victory over a ranked opponent occurred against LSU in 1982. Since then, the Green Wave is 0-32.

LSU has notched 22 consecutive victories over non SEC opponents.

Wisconsin’s defense held Michigan State’s Javon Ringer to his lowest output of the season, 54 yards on 21 carries.

West Virginia’s Pat White has now eclipsed the 4,000 and 5,000 yard marks in career rushing and passing.


THE GALLOPING FINISH

Oklahoma- an offensive machine
Auburn- an offensive catastrophe
Tennessee- offense transferred to Duke
Florida- Chomping towards the top spot
TCU- the best in the Mountain West
Duke- instant improvement despite the losses
Minnesota- got greedy
Arizona State- pitiful
West Virginia- rising
Connecticut- reeling
USC- still trails Oregon State in Pac standings
Notre Dame- just one victory over programs with winning records.

Trojans rout Huskies 56-0 for 3rd shutout in 4 games

On an afternoon beneath cloud covered skies, points came raining down on the Washington Huskies, and they failed to respond with any of their own. Everyone knew what kind of game this was going to be. We could have photoshopped white jerseys and gold helmets on the Washington State Cougars, and just have Washington deliver the tape, instead of sending a team. We got an up close and personal look at the misery of Ty Willingham and the Huskies football program. They were dominated in every aspect of the game, offensively, defensively, and special teams. Even a couple of second half drives against the lower depth of the SC defense ended with interceptions to kill the drive and preserve a Trojans shutout. It's now the 3rd recorded shutout in USC's last 4 games, with Arizona's 10 points representing the only blemish to the nation's top ranked defense.

Mark Sanchez threw just 19 passes on Saturday, connecting for 2 touchdowns to Patrick Turner, and also running for a score on a keeper. The bulk of the work came from the running stable, as 4 different backs found the end zone. C.J. Gable led the attack with 108 yards on 10 carries, and scoring two solo touchdowns. In all, the Trojans outgained the Washington Huskies by a total of 485 to 184 total yards, limiting Washington to just 4 first downs and forcing 3 turnovers.

If there is a dark note in this victory, USC continues to pick up penalties, accumulating 10 more against the Huskies for a total of 90 yards.