Wednesday, July 9, 2008

DOH-mer Of The Week- A Rose by any other name


I’ve spent the last week watching the sports headlines surface, and one particular baseball story caught my eye. It was a story about homerun king Barry Bonds(*) and the controversy surrounding the record breaking homerun ball. Bonds wants it in the Baseball Hall of Fame, but not with an asterisk. The owner of the ball was willing to donate it to the hall, but with an asterisk. The whole thing made me realize the stupidity of Major League Baseball's decision makers. And when I speak of this stupidity, I’m not speaking directly of Bonds(*) and his ball, though he is indirectly a part of this conversation.

Here we are in 2008, and people want a battle of the balls. That’s a minor issue, and an easy decision. But hey, what about Pete Rose? What is the expiration date for baseball stubbornness? How long will they keep one of the greatest hitters of all time out of the Hall of Fame, because he gambled on games? Sure, I understand that when the sentence was handed down, and he received that lifetime ban, the league was looking to protect the integrity of the game. But if you’re honestly in the business of protecting integrity, why the f**k is there even a debate or controversy over the homerun ball of BaROID Bonds(*)?

Did the DOH-mers not see the Mitchell report? Integrity is all but gone. How many future Hall of Famers on that list? How many league MVPs and Golden gloves? How many Cy Young award winners? Where is that damn integrity to protect, because I see nothing but an empty box?

Where was the integrity, when Gaylord Perry was inducted into the Hall? Perry’s claim to fame is “cheating”. Perry has an autobiography titled “Me and the Spitter”, meaning he's even cheating the English language, because we all know it should be "The spitter and I". Perry once approached the makers of “Vaseline”, looking to be their spokesperson! His former manager, Gene Mauch, once said, “He should be in the Hall of Fame with a tube of KY Jelly attached to his plaque”. And the list of cheaters doesn’t end With Perry, because Whitey Ford, another notorious cheater, is also in the Hall. What is our integrity lesson of the day? Cheaters are rewarded. Gamblers are punished.

Maybe it’s just because Rose doesn’t have the baseball clout. After all, a lifetime ban is exactly that, banishment for a lifetime. Yankees Boss, George Steinbrenner, was given a lifetime ban from baseball in 1990. And I then witnessed a modern day miracle, as Steinbrenner obviously died in ’93, and resurrected in the same year. Ban lifted! George begins his second life, so you can’t count the previous ban against him. Strangely enough, he’s reincarnated as the Yankees boss. What are the odds on that? Maybe I'll ask Pete if he went with the spread.

Why the hell are we quarreling over baseballs hit by steroid users? And why the hell does BaROID(*) feel he has any say in how the ball would be displayed? If it were up to me, I’d agree with him, and present it without the asterisk, but have a hypodermic needle hanging from the stitches.

Say what you want about Pete Rose and his gambling, but it’s obviously more of a personal issue between Rose and some of the baseball powers that be, than it is about integrity. Don’t bullsh*t me. Looking at some of the players the league has lined up for future induction, Mark McGwire(*), Rafael Palmeiro(*), and Roger Clemens(*), along with some players holding records, BaROID Bonds(*), Eric Gagne(*), and any other junkie I may have missed, it’s going to be a while before the league ever has a clean list for an induction year. Greg Maddux, Trevor Hoffman, and Tom Glavine will get in, but who will be their first ballot competition?

As we stand now, with the lack of integrity in the game, it will take over a decade to regain a clean image. Until that 5 year old corn fed slugger from the fields of Nebraska matures, and appears on a major league diamond, we’re left with the impurities and human pincushions of the sport. Without a doubt, with baseball now under the microscope and secrets exposed, now is the Time to give the public something long overdue, and celebrate the achievements of Pete Rose.

Allow Rose into the Hall, and stop staring at BaROID’s(*) balls.

DOH-mers!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Is Kiffin employed by a Madman?


I’m a Chargers fan, so I’ll admit the personal despise for anything silver and black. But at the same time, I’m also aware that Al Davis made significant contributions and played a major role in the NFL/AFL merger, giving us the league we have today. I’ll also credit the man for his genius, with his ability to market an entire state (especially one hosting 3 NFL franchises). The benefits far exceed any penalties for infringement, and no one has ever been able to tell Al what he can or can’t do. But even with that said, this is where I end my praise, because my hypocrisy can only go so far.

That was the old Al Davis, which is apparently very different from the newer version that’s leading today’s Oakland Raiders. This Al Davis went on an off season spending spree, leaving everyone to question each move. And of course, if you talked to any Raiders fans, with their heads implanted firmly in Davis' rectum, they defended each cut, acquisition, and draft selection. Now, Davis is speculating, and questioning his own decisions and power to lead. And with his own second guessing, he’s telling everyone that wore his a$$ cheeks as earmuffs that they blindly followed with pride. Ahh...pride. It's one of the seven deadly sins, so be careful with that.

It’s not uncommon for coaches, GMs or owners to second guess decisions made. But it’s a bit on the crazy side to start having second thoughts in June about moves made in February, before your product even plays a single game in pads. Isn’t it? It’s like falling asleep, dreaming of roster spots, filling them, and then waking up to tell someone you just had the worst nightmare.

The Vegas mugging of Javon Walker seemed to wake Davis. Suddenly he sees a potential nightmare, but it’s still for the wrong reasons. The Vegas incident didn't give evidence of any physical disabilities, unless surveillance cameras showed Walker unable to outrun his assailants. What surfaced was another hint of a character flaw. Al Davis questioning character? Say it aint so! Using the word “character” anywhere near the black hole, is like discussing sexual positions in the middle of bible study. Some things don’t belong in certain conversations, just as character isn’t a descriptive word for the Raiders. No, Al. If that was the trigger for speculation, you still don't get it. The controversy swirling around the Javon Walker signing has nothing to do with his character, and everything to do with the "handicap" placard hanging from his rear view mirror.

And where does Lane Kiffin fit in all this? I’m sure he’s missing his days of sitting in the coliseum coaching box and calling plays for Pete Carroll. Now he’s a very well paid “yes man”, working for an NFL madman. But I'm sure Kiffin has learned a few things as the Raiders head coach, such as:

1) It’s “your team”, but you can’t fire anyone on staff without permission.
2) You can watch the NFL draft, but you can’t choose anyone.
3) You have no input on the hiring of James Lofton, because your successor can be chosen without you.
4) McFadden will look great in practice, against a defense that couldn’t stop the run.
5) DeAngelo Hall is easier to spell than Nnamdi Asomugha, so his name goes on the check.
6) Bobby Petrino is weak and ungrateful, for running away from Arthur Blank.
7) Pete Carroll and Steve Sarkisian turned down Al Davis, which means, of the members of the USC coaching staff, you drew the shortest straw.

The best thing that can happen for Kiffin, is for Al Davis to step down from his position. The best thing that can happen for Chargers fans, is for Al to rule for another 10 years. And choosing my allegiance between a former USC coach or Davis decisions that direct an AFC Western foe into a state of NFL irrelevance, all I can say is....Go Bolts!

Monday, July 7, 2008

Eyes On A Foe: What the Duck?!?!


I never thought I’d envy the University of Oregon, but then I found out the rah rah girls have their own televised show. In the Pacific Northwest, Comcast airs a half hour series called “The cheerleaders of Oregon”. And for anyone without knowledge of the Oregon cheerleading squad, trust me, this is “must-see” TV. Call me shallow, but the Ducks squad is definitely among the top 5 in the nation, in terms of attractiveness. Hell, one of the best parts of the Oregon game day experience is watching those girls shake their pom poms on the sidelines.

Oh, I also have other news about the Ducks, so I’ll just touch on it with a Monday “Six-Pac”:

Oregon Ducks- One of the biggest questions coming out of Eugene is who will replace Dennis Dixon. Nate Costa has recovered from his knee injury, and would look to be the front runner. Is that a good thing? He pressed Dixon for the position last year, but really stunk up the place before getting hurt. Nate Roper led the Ducks to the devastation of South Florida in the bowl game, throwing 4 TD passes. Costa had the ducks on the bad side of a shutout (against UCLA), for the first time in 20 years. The choice should be logical, but it won’t be.

(Inserting another Duckie here)



Arizona State- QB Rudy Carpenter appears on the awards watch list. Why? In the last couple of years, he’s proved to be more mouth than skill. I could defend him, by saying his offensive line has been one of the worst in the country, but I won’t. I still remember his comments from 2 years ago, saying that USC wasn’t even the best team in the Pac 10. Six straight Pac 10 titles, Rudy! Please tell me who has been better.

Arizona- A quarterback being overlooked nationally, and in the Pac 10, is ‘Zona’s Willie Tuitama. Willie has matured immensely in the Sonny Dykes offense. If the line can protect, the Pac will be witnessing a full-fledged offensive attack, similar to the system Sonny coached at Texas Tech. Expect big numbers from Tuitama, and the Trojan trip to the desert in 2008 may be a possible trap game, so look out. No one needs Tuitama to succeed more than Mike Stoops and his blazing saddle. It’s a do or die year for Mike, and I think they will “do”.

Washington- Speaking of blazing saddles, Ty Willingham is at the end of his rope, and his future is also pending on the performance of his QB. Jake Locker is already receiving all the media accolades, touted as God’s gift to football. Is it any wonder that he’s targeted by opponents?

California- In just a matter of 7 months, the Bears have changed their uniforms. It’s pretty amazing, when you consider their local tree sitters haven’t changed their clothes or underwear in over a year. New uniforms, but it’s the same team. I would hardly call that a bargain.

Stanford- I don't have sh*t to say about the Cardinal. Some wounds take a little longer to heal.

Retro: Hell to the Redskins, Hell to D.C


It was Superbowl XVIII, which came to be known as “Black Sunday”, where a young Raiders running back started to the left, reversed his field, and sliced through the Redskins defense. 74 yards later, in the defining moment of his NFL career, Marcus Allen was standing in the end zone. That play ripped the hearts out of the favored Skins, as the underdogs built a 35-9 lead by the end of the third quarter. The Raiders would add a 4th quarter field goal to complete the humiliation, and with the 38-9 final score, Marcus Allen became a Superbowl MVP.

Allen ran for 191 yards on 20 carries, while scoring twice. At the time, it was a record for single game yardage, until it was later broken by Timmy Smith. The 74 yard Superbowl scamper was a standing record for many years, until Pittsburgh’s Willie Parker broke that dash by a single yard. Allen dominated, and his Raiders denied the Skins consecutive Superbowl wins. In all, Washington could only manage 283 total yards as a team, while Allen accumulated 209 all purpose yards on his own. For some NFL followers, Allen's arrival was an eye opener. But to the folks in Southern California, it was just all in a days work.


Marcus Allen was recruited to USC as a High School quarterback and defensive back from San Diego. The Trojans originally slotted him as a tail, but in his sophomore year became the blocking fullback for Heisman Trophy winner Charles White. After White’s graduation, and being moved back to his original position, Allen exploded on the scene, leading the nation in all purpose yards as a junior. His senior year was record breaking, rushing for 2,423 yards, recording 8 games rushing for 200 yards or more, with an overall average of 212 yards per game. He was the 1981 Heisman Trophy winner, denying Georgia’s Herschel Walker the opportunity to win his second.

19 years after embarrassing the Washington Redskins, Allen was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. His contributions on the collegiate and professional levels left a mark, and he is arguably one of the 5 best Trojans of all time.

Statistics

*1981 Heisman Trophy
*1982 NFL offensive rookie of the year
*Superbowl XVIII MVP
*6 time Pro Bowl selection
*1985 NFL offensive player of the year
*1993 NFL comeback player of the year
*College Football Hall of Fame (Class of 2000)
*Pro Football Hall of Fame (Class of 2003)