DOH-mer Of The Week- Eye Da Ho

The Idaho vandals are basically the laughing stock of the college football world. They’re already 1-3 this season, and 15-54 over the past six. To see Idaho on your football schedule is to consider it a bye week. To play Idaho is to have more competition in your own football practices. In other words, If Boise State represents the luxury restroom in the state, the Idaho Vandals are the toilet paper used to wipe a program’s ass. But despite their failures on the football field, only in Moscow Idaho will you find a football coaching job safe and a cheerleading director on the hot seat.

I’ll go ahead and make the assumption that the majority of football spectators are male. I think it’s a fair assumption, until someone can prove me wrong. I would also make the assumption that males in Idaho are no different than males in any other part of the country, but the latest development has me thinking and dismissing that theory. It seems that the most horrifying visual in Moscow wasn’t the 70-0 beating the football program took from Arizona, but the outfits worn by their rah rah girls.

If I’m a native of Moscow Idaho, I certainly wouldn’t be attending a football game with the intention of actually seeing my hometown team win. The results are a long gone conclusion, in any given year. Watching your team get embarrassed on a field is hardly entertainment. You know what’s entertaining? Girls in short skirts shaking their pom-poms, Isn’t it? You can get your hotdogs, peanuts, and cold beer at any convenience store, but outside of the local strip clubs, where else can you eye females in short skirts, waiting for leg kicks and angles not shown to national television audiences, and get to do it without the dark shades, trench coat, and fake mustache? If you’re answer is a football game, then you’ve got it right.

Unfortunately, the University actually received complaints about the cheerleading outfits in the above photo. I know. I can hear the cry all the way from BYU and Provo Utah, in chorus, with an “ARE YOU SH**ting me?!?!?” Not only were the complaints received, but the school complied, and the Vandals have now changed to the photo below.

Only a DOH-mer (or nun) would transition from the first photo to the second, knowing what the majority of their audience is. The second photo is high school gym class revisited. The first photo is music and a tip rail. Now you get to see the football team lose, and not much of anything else. But I’ll say this, for the first time, the school actually made national headlines for their coverage (literally) of T & A. I’ll now make a new assumption, saying that it’s my belief that the biggest booster for the University of Idaho football program is “N.O.W”.

1-12, here you come. You’ll always be ranked at the bottom of college football, but it’s a terrible ploy to initiate a change to allow your gridiron boys to have a better placing in Division-1 than your cheerleaders will in competitions. Congrats on gaining an edge, DOH’mers! And thanks for not going with the "pioneer women of the 19th century" look. America just can't wait to see the ankles on those Vandals.... GO TEAM!

REMEMBER NATALIE NELSON?

Hey, do you remember Natalie Nelson? Okay, outside of the USC campus the name won’t readily ring a bell. But what if I said the short skirt wearing, sweater filling, pom-pom shaking blonde pictured in the above photo? Now we’re getting closer, right? Natalie, on looks alone, could be the poster child of USC Song Girls. Mention the letters “U-S-C” accompanied by the words cheerleaders or song girls, and most would gather a mental picture of the blonde beauty that is Natalie Nelson. But nationally, Natalie is most remembered for this:

Okay, now I’ll ask it again. Do you remember Natalie Nelson, the Song Girl that gained national notoriety for cheering for the wrong team in the 2006 BCS National championship game? Ohhh yeah, right? Yes, that girl. For about a good six month period, Natalie was probably the most photoshopped person on the internet, with users placing her cheering image at historic events like the Rodney King beating and Kennedy assassination. The girl couldn’t get a break, but damn, she’s still hot.

I started wondering whatever happened to her. I always follow Trojans after they leave school and enter the NFL, so what the hell, why not check in on a hot rah rah girl? While at USC, I was always under the impression that she was dating Trojans linebacker Dallas Sartz, who was recently signed off waivers by the Seattle Seahawks. She may have dated him for awhile, but it isn’t who she married.

Natalie is now married to Carolina Panthers center Ryan Kalil, another Trojan, and former teammate of Dallas Sartz. The Panthers chose Kalil in the second round of the 2007 NFL draft. The love connection ensures that both Trojans will appear on the sidelines or in the seats at future USC games, because the newlyweds continue to have a connection through family. Lori Nelson, the mother of Natalie, is the USC Song Girls coach, a position held for years, with her also being a former ass shaker at USC. One of the top players of the 2008 Trojans draft class is Matt Kalil, the younger brother of Ryan, and the top ranked offensive line prospect in the country.

Bush gets Kardashian. Leinart gets Brynn Cameron and some groupies in an Arizona hot tub, and Ryan Kalil gets Natalie Nelson. Who would have thought? Advantage Kalil, easily…and best of luck to them both.

McCain or Obama? Can a Song Girl swing my vote?

America will eventually have to choose a new leader of the free world, and the winner will either be Barack Obama or John McCain. But how do you decide on a candidate, since the majority of politicians are all talk, anyway? What if you had the two men in a dead heat? Is there anything that could swing your vote in one direction or another? How about a song girl or cheerleader?

Before Cindy Lou Hensley became the wife of John McCain, she was a USC co-ed. She was a member of the Kappa Alpha Theta sorority, but was she a song girl, as some sources have alleged? A couple of weeks ago, when the L.A Times ran an article about McCain joking and taking shots at his wife by calling USC the “University of Spoiled Children”, they also referenced Cindy as a cheerleader, as does Wikipedia, which is obviously incorrect.

USC had Song girls and cheerleaders, and the difference in the two is the same difference as penis and vagina. Cheerleaders were male, and Song girls are female, and I don't have access of Cindy to give her the "Crocodile Dundee" test. The confusion is understood, because the rah rah babes are often incorrectly labeled as cheerleaders. But what about the Song girl issue? Was she or wasn’t she a member of the squad? I haven’t seen any factual support for it. Two days ago, Trojanwire ran an article, with photo included, stating that the pictured song girl was Cindy Lou Hensley. But just as quickly as the article appeared, it disappeared. I take that as either (a)the photograph was a misrepresentation, (b) someone asked that it be removed, or (c) my dumb ass can’t find the article again, but it’s actually there. Seeing that so many sources are reporting about “Song Girl” McCain, but none are supplying photos, it leaves me to wonder if it’s all speculation. Cindy is a gorgeous woman, so why would she hide her Song girl pics?

But back to the opening question, about a Song girl (allegedly) swaying my vote. My answer is no, because I have no vote. And no, I’m not a minor, and I’m not blogging from a correctional facility. I’m not a U.S Citizen, so I have no choice in America’s leadership. But If I were able to vote, I would cast mine for Obama. That would leave half the readers wishing I did have a say, and the other half glad that I don’t.

Eyes On A Foe: What the Duck?!?!

I never thought I’d envy the University of Oregon, but then I found out the rah rah girls have their own televised show. In the Pacific Northwest, Comcast airs a half hour series called “The cheerleaders of Oregon”. And for anyone without knowledge of the Oregon cheerleading squad, trust me, this is “must-see” TV. Call me shallow, but the Ducks squad is definitely among the top 5 in the nation, in terms of attractiveness. Hell, one of the best parts of the Oregon game day experience is watching those girls shake their pom poms on the sidelines.

Oh, I also have other news about the Ducks, so I’ll just touch on it with a Monday “Six-Pac”:

Oregon Ducks- One of the biggest questions coming out of Eugene is who will replace Dennis Dixon. Nate Costa has recovered from his knee injury, and would look to be the front runner. Is that a good thing? He pressed Dixon for the position last year, but really stunk up the place before getting hurt. Nate Roper led the Ducks to the devastation of South Florida in the bowl game, throwing 4 TD passes. Costa had the ducks on the bad side of a shutout (against UCLA), for the first time in 20 years. The choice should be logical, but it won’t be.

(Inserting another Duckie here)

Arizona State- QB Rudy Carpenter appears on the awards watch list. Why? In the last couple of years, he’s proved to be more mouth than skill. I could defend him, by saying his offensive line has been one of the worst in the country, but I won’t. I still remember his comments from 2 years ago, saying that USC wasn’t even the best team in the Pac 10. Six straight Pac 10 titles, Rudy! Please tell me who has been better.

Arizona- A quarterback being overlooked nationally, and in the Pac 10, is ‘Zona’s Willie Tuitama. Willie has matured immensely in the Sonny Dykes offense. If the line can protect, the Pac will be witnessing a full-fledged offensive attack, similar to the system Sonny coached at Texas Tech. Expect big numbers from Tuitama, and the Trojan trip to the desert in 2008 may be a possible trap game, so look out. No one needs Tuitama to succeed more than Mike Stoops and his blazing saddle. It’s a do or die year for Mike, and I think they will “do”.

Washington- Speaking of blazing saddles, Ty Willingham is at the end of his rope, and his future is also pending on the performance of his QB. Jake Locker is already receiving all the media accolades, touted as God’s gift to football. Is it any wonder that he’s targeted by opponents?

California- In just a matter of 7 months, the Bears have changed their uniforms. It’s pretty amazing, when you consider their local tree sitters haven’t changed their clothes or underwear in over a year. New uniforms, but it’s the same team. I would hardly call that a bargain.

Stanford- I don't have sh*t to say about the Cardinal. Some wounds take a little longer to heal.

The Declination Of The Song Girl

Believe it or not, a hot fan topic for the offseason is the fall of USC’s adorable song girls. If you’re a member of the squad, you’re asking what “fall” the team supposedly took. But the longtime fan has been complaining that our sideline darlings have dropped in the rankings of attractiveness and are no longer the top eye candy in the country.

I’m in agreement with the fans, but it’s not like our girls suddenly represent the bottom of the cheerleading barrel. I’ll admit that UCLA, Oregon, and Arizona State (until they were dismissed) are well above our offerings, which leaves us 4th in a conference of 10, when we’re used to being 1st in an association of hundreds.

If you’re looking for a culprit, blame the selection committee. After all, stunting isn’t a requirement, so appearance and dance are the only necessities. It was a step in the right direction to eliminate the male yell leaders and replace them with a female spirit squad. But judging by the women walking the USC campus, the most attractive aren’t wearing tight sweaters and showing off their pom poms on game day. I’m sure some of them can dance, and I wonder how many of them auditioned.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are still some gorgeous girls on the current squad. But to compare today to yesterday, the past had no “skip-overs”. By that, I mean you could scan the entire line of girls and each was worthy of a good stare. That is no longer true, though the majority hold my attention. Maybe we should have a photo section of the girls that weren’t selected. But then again, that may create even more of a fan ruckus.

Fight On!

The Sun Devils Suddenly Have Morals?

I find it extremely funny that Arizona State is threatening to ban their cheer squad from the sidelines. I use the word “threatening’, because I won’t believe it until I see it. It’s ludicrous to believe they’ve suddenly developed morals. And it’s even more ridiculous to believe this upcoming ban stems from the internet photo (posted above) displaying cheerleaders in their bras and panties.

Joe Francis, and his film crew (Girls Gone Wild), spend so much time in Tempe Arizona that they might as well enroll and register for classes. Thanks to this entrepreneur turned millionaire, ASU is more known for T & A than anything they could possibly achieve in academics or athletics. You can search the entire internet for collegiate rankings in all categories, but you won’t find the Sun Devils in the top 10, until the list reflects “hottest co-eds”.

And then there’s the issue of the picture, itself. I fail to see what’s so terribly wrong, where it would warrant a complete ban. If it were bathing suits, instead of undergarments, would the photo be more tasteful? Both garments cover the same areas, and show just as much skin, so honestly, what’s the difference? Maybe it’s the “hands on hips” that brought forth the ban. You think? Former Louisville cheerleader, Becca Manns, was kicked off her squad for masturbation photos displayed on the internet. This is hardly on that level.

A former Trojan Volleyball player, Lisa Love, is the Vice President of ASU athletics, and the one making this call. She spent her career around song girls in sweaters, so maybe showing any skin above the wrist is over the top. In my opinion, It’s petty, and a rush to judgment. If I were on the ASU staff, I doubt I would vote for a ban, and would probably follow the procedure of viewing said photo, enlarging said photo, printing said photo, and displaying said photo on my bedroom wall. And finally, concluding with a big “thumbs up” to the girls, and issuing a warning to be careful where they post their pictures, along with the whole “you represent Arizona State University” spiel.

Besides, just because we won’t see them on the ASU sideline, doesn’t mean we’ll never see them again: